After our profile was submitted to our agency and we were officially homestudy approved, we were considered a “waiting family”. At this point you are open to network privately with expectant moms, google adoption situations (which I did ALOT of), and have your profile shown to expectant parents at the agency you are registered with.
Now, the process of how you are chosen to be shown to an expectant parent making an adoption plan with the agency we used, goes a little like this:
The expectant parents have a criteria for what kind of parents they are looking for. Examples include: age, race, religion, location, openness of adoption, whether they have other children in the home
The adoptive parents to be also have criteria set for what kind of things they are looking for in a match.
Examples include: race of expected child, gender of child, exposure to certain drugs/alcohol/tobacco, health history of expectant parents and their immediate family, including mental health, and budget
So, the agency goes through first to weed out which adoptive parents don’t meet the criteria of the expectant parents. Then they go through to see if those adoptive parents are willing and open to consider the factors of the adoption. Adoption ranges in price. Most of the agency fees are a set amount, but since you are allowed to pay medical and living expenses for the expectant mother (in Florida at least) this number changes based on the economic situation of the expectant mother. In most cases, they will need the maximum amount of support allowed by law because of whatever situation brought them to adoption.
So as we were approved and ready I searched the adoption situations in the south, and came across an agency locally that was looking for adoptive parents of twin boys who were expected in 3-4 months. The expectant mother was from the caribbean and wanted to have a semi-open adoption. I thought this sounded like the perfect match. Twin boys, wow, oh how my mind spun thinking about double the fun (and realistically the price is essentially the same for 2 in this case other than medical expenses). Mr. Lucky is also of caribbean descent, so I thought this would help us connect with the expectant mother who was a student here. Long story short, the expectant mother was on bedrest in a hospital for a long while before the babies would be ready to be born, and there was a very good chance the babies would be very premature. This opened up a new can of worms for potential health problems, time off work, financial concerns with a NICU stay, and more. So we ended up deciding not to submit our profile for this situation. In the meantime, we had put our profile on hold with our agency while we waited to see if this match was the right one.
After our final decision not to move forward with the twin boys, I called the agency and asked to be put back on the waiting list, and was then transferred to a caseworker and I asked if they happened to have any expectant mothers expecting biracial babies any time soon. The caseworker responded that she did in fact have a couple of them, and wondered why we weren’t pulled to be shown. I explained why we were on hold, and then she told me that she could send me the case files and we could decide if we wanted to be shown, because some of the parameters were a little outside of what we had hoped for on our original “wish list” (gosh that sounds SO AWFUL!). We decided to absolutely move forward and be shown to the expectant mother/parents and we prayed and prayed for her peace in this situation. All we knew, is that a baby boy was expected mid-August in this situation and the expectant mother was interested in an inter-racial couple like us to parent her child.
Fast forward two LONG torturous weeks, and we got the call that we had been chosen by the expectant parents. We were also told at this time that the expectant father already terminated his parental rights, so one half of the potential complications with Termination of Parental Rights (TPR) was resolved.
That night, I left work a little early to run to the store and get something for Mr. Lucky that had caught my eye the last time I was in the store.
When he got home from work, I had this placed on the counter, and was DYING for him to open the card. He did, and he was confused. The front said “Itty-bitty” and had a onesie, and he looked puzzled. Then when he opened it it said “BABY BOY!” and I wrote a nice little message congratulating him on his baby boy due mid August. He looked at me seriously and said “Did they choose us?” and I was like well…DUH! and he said no, really, did they really choose us? and I said YES! So he hugged me and let out this giant sigh.
Our excitement was obvious, until we sat down to read the medical/social history forms together.We already had read most of them, so we didn’t expect anything new. Much to our surprise, there were some things that caught our attention and brought concern to both of us. After much prayer, medical discussions and evaluations, we determined that we both felt peace about the situation and that this was the baby for us.