I learned today that it’s not going to be easy every time you try to run. Today, I FORCED myself to get out of bed and go for a run, headache and all. It was awful. I hated every minute of it. Typically, I am psyched to go, and even if I am not once I start running and the endorphins kick in I am a happy girl. Today, that didn’t happen. Every quarter of a mile was a struggle. I convinced myself that I could turn around before I had even run a mile – with the fear that I would need to run to the bathroom if I didn’t! (This happened the last time I ran and I was afraid I wouldn’t make it home in time to reach the bathroom! What a horrible feeling!) My total distance was just over a mile and a half – and I walked at least a half mile of it. I felt defeated, and I considered deferring my half marathon registration to 2015. I know that today was an off day, and I just need to get back in the routine.
Still, today I felt like the 300+ pound girl who couldn’t walk down the hallway without her head pounding. My head was pounding, but I was running, and that should be the victory. I have awful fears that the IH (Intracranial Hypertension) is creeping back up on me.
I have had a headache on and off for the last week. Most mornings I wake up with it but it goes away by the afternoon. With IH, it NEVER goes away. It is accompanied by buzzing in the ears, and a throbbing head with movement. I haven’t had these specific recurring symptoms since before I had my surgery, but if they happen to sporadically pop up it sends me into a panic. Yesterday, I had some buzzing, and today I had the pounding. Hence, the freakout and negative self talk that allowed me to stop running.
Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow will be a better day. Tomorrow, I am hoping to LOVE my run, and myself. On a positive note, I have almost hit 10,000 steps today on my Fitbit due to the run this morning – no matter how crappy it was, it still counts for something!