The Word Skinny

I don’t like the word “skinny”. Several people have resorted to calling me this lately and it bothers me. I am still FAR from skinny, in fact, I am still OBESE. I.am.NOT.skinny! I am thinner than I was, yes, but I am not skinny. I am 220 pounds. Let’s talk about this word.

skin·ny

adjective

adjective: skinny; comparative adjective: skinnier; superlative adjective: skinniest

1. (of a person or part of their body) very thin.

synonyms:

thin, scrawny, scraggy, bony, angular, rawboned, hollow-cheeked, gaunt, as thin as a rake, skin-and-bones, sticklike, emaciated, waiflike, skeletal, pinched, undernourished, underfed;

What I am not: thin, scrawny, scraggy, bony, angular, rawboned, hollow cheeked, gaunt, as thin as a rake, skin-and-bones, sticklike, emaciated, waiflike (not even sure where this word came from, but pretty sure I am not it!), skeletal, pinched! HAHA, undernourished OR underfed – therefore – I AM NOT SKINNY! Okay?

According to the app My Weight – I am Obese Class 1 – I have a BMI of 33.6 and a target BMI of 22.8 if I reach 150 pounds as my physician has recommended.

I know that people mean it as a compliment – but be real people. I was severely overwieght before, and I am still overweight. I have made huge progress and I will admit that. But please don’t call me skinny unless you are trying to get under my skin. I can handle compliments that a certain body part looks small – but skinny overall – nope. No thanks.

I have always had trouble accepting compliments. Some members of my family had a way of backhanded compliments, or just plain insults when it came to weight so it has always been a sensitive subject.

Photo is from the Turkey Trot 5K that I ran on Thanksgiving morning with my dearest LMM!
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I’m a Machine!

Over the last few weeks if there is one thing I have realized, it is that I have a bazillion things going on at one time, and somehow I am equipped to handle it all. Whether life is hard, or it is running smoothly, this body and mind of mine are a machine. I am a machine.

Update on the PET Scan and results: My oncologist said that the one node that is concerning in my neck near my jugular vein cannot be biopsied because it is too risky, but that is the only way to diagnose Lymphoma. He wanted to take a wait and see approach even though he cannot explain the crazy levels that seem to only be present in Lymphoma. Dr. Wonderful (my primary) is not satisfied with this wait and see method. She referred me to a local cancer specialist. I have an appointment on Monday with a Lymphoma specific specialist. Hopefully I will get answers other than “let’s wait and see if Cancer will deveop and spread through your body before we have a plan of action”.

Update on Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party: We had an amazing time with our friends. We trick or treated through the Magic Kingdom, rode the carousel, saw the end of the parade, watched the castle show and fireworks (which were the best fireworks I think I have ever seen at the Magic Kingdom!), and we got to see some really cool characters that we don’t normally see (Jafar, Lotso Bear, all 7 dwarfs, and Mickey dressed in his Halloween best!). We also got lots of comments on our homemade costumes.

and last but not least my running progress: I shaved THREE minutes off of my original mile timing! I ran two miles yesterday and two miles the day before. My most recent run yesterday I had a 13:27 minute mile, and the second mile was 14:10. I am still so shocked at what my machine of a body can do. I also have had a cold thanks to the lovely germs that Lucky Charm brings home from school – so I can’t imagine what I am capable of when I am feeling normal (as if that EVER happens!)

My weight is dropping slowly and steadily but I feel good overall. My bleeding has finally stopped for the last three weeks and I am praying this is a sign that my hormones are starting to regulate now that I have lost a chunk of my body weight. As of now I have lost 50% of the weight I have to lose. This is incredible in just four months. Gastric bypass has changed my life. I could never have accomplished this on my own with all of the health complications I have been plagued with.

That’s enough of a crazy sporadic update for now! Hope you all are well and making progress in your life journeys.

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My first run!

I got up early yesterday and went on my first training run! I feel so much better now that I know where I am starting and where I need to be to complete my half marathon.

Here are my starting stats:
I ran 1.7 miles in 27 minutes and 39 seconds. I had an average pace of 16 minutes and 14 seconds per mile. My first mile which I ran intervals through was 15 minutes and 26 seconds and my second mile which I mostly walked but did some running through was 17 minutes and 4 seconds. My goal is to get my time down to 13 minutes per mile for the marathon, but ultimately to be able to finish. I know I need to not only improve my time, but my endurance.

I used map my run for my timing/distance and route mapping and I LOVED it! I love that the music played through my headphones randomly from my itunes and that I got updates on my speed and distance every so often to keep motivated.

I am really sore today, but I did a total of 6.2 miles in distance walking/running yesterday. I went to a Matchbox 20 and Goo Goo Dolls concert last night where I did some walking, and some booty shaking too.photo 1

Unfortunately, the scale didn’t budge, but I know that I worked hard yesterday and eventually the scale will adjust to my new levels of activity.

Finally, here is an updated progress photo at 254 pounds with a total loss of 52 pounds.photo 2

Crunch

photoDo you ever miss the texture of a food? Will a good crunch will satisfy you? I miss crunchy food.

Right now my diet is so restricted that I have missed crunch in my life. Until I found these Sea Salt and Vinegar PROTEIN CHIPS!!! They are the perfect mix of crunch and flavor, for only 9net carbs and they pack 10g protein for an added bonus! These are my new favorite find!

It will probably never be a good idea to eat regular potato chips again, but these will be a good substitute until I can eat things like crackers. My nutritionist probably wouldn’t be thrilled with me eating them, but thankfully I only had half of this little bag and I felt satisfied. What are your favorite healthy snacks? I would give anything for a crunchy raw piece of celery or carrot. 4 more months to go? Ugh.

I am almost 2 months out from surgery and I am down 47 pounds. I feel amazing, and Lucky Charm and I even walked 2 miles last night when I got home from work. Well we ran some of it, as much as one can run with a toddler.

I can’t wait for the months ahead. I am finally really starting to see changes in myself. This morning my cami (I typically wear them underneath my dress shirts to prevent cleavage at work and to help suck in my stomach) was so baggy that the arm holes were sagging. Since when do cami’s sag? When they are TOO BIG!

I am excitedly looking forward to our little Disney family getaway in August for Lucky Charm’s Third Birthday. I have most of our reservations secured and I am working on the extra special magical details. I will write another full blog post on all of my fun plans and visions soon.

Oh, and as for the therapist, she gave us some really great suggestions to help Lucky Charm’s sleeping patterns that have somewhat worked so far. As for our marriage – Mr. Lucky thinks the therapist is unnecessary and we can resolve everything on our own. I disagree but I am not going to continue to argue with him about how we can fix this. He needs to be willing to go the distance too. So for now, things are just coasting, and I don’t know what to do.

I’m also thinking about giving away a thirty-one thermal lunch tote to one of my followers when I reach 100 followers. Would you all be interested? I may even be able to throw in another fun prize.

Changes

changeChange – verb 1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one’s name; to change one’s opinion; to change the course of history. (Source: Dictionary.com)

I am changing slowly. My body is shrinking. I can’t see these changes in myself physically, but there are things that remind me that my body is shrinking. I could probably pull my panties over my boobs at this point because they are so large. I think I should probably go buy new ones before they fall off. My work pants are so loose they make me look like a clown when I wear them.

The one thing I am anxiously awaiting is for my wedding rings to fit again. I wore them before my back surgery but haven’t been able to wear them since then (2011).

My mind and my habits are also starting to change. I immediately think about protein when I am hungry. I am enjoying the food that I eat and missing foods that are off limits less and less. Some of my favorites right now are grilled sandwich meat and cheese with grey poupon, hard boiled eggs, greek yogurt, refried beans with sour cream-cheese-and-taco sauce, parmesan cheese crisps dipped in pizza sauce, and chicken breast.

On another note, We finally booked our getaway for Lucky Charm’s birthday. We are taking her to Disney for a few days and planning to get her a princess makeover and go to a princess lunch. I am so excited to go to the parks 40+ pounds lighter and see how much has changed for me since the last time we went. We went to Hollywood Studios for the 4th of July but we were only there a half day and it was so packed. We are hoping to go to a water park this trip, and spend some time doing some of the less popular things at the resorts in addition to going to the parks. I am looking forward to this trip and reconnecting with my family over the course of a few days.

Healing

Yesterday I was working from home because I caught a bit of a cold, and Dr. Oz was on in the background. He had a segment about Crystal Sonic Therapy and how it can do wonders for healing clarity, pain, relaxation and sleep. I decided to download one of the CD’s on itunes to see if it helped me any, and I have to say it is VERY relaxing. I am sitting at my desk listening to it with headphones and it really is amazing how powerful it is. If you are struggling and you can take the time to listen, I highly recommend it even just for relaxation because I’m not sure I’ve personally experienced any other benefits from it so soon.

My lucky little family and I are starting therapy on Friday. It is going to be good for us. Mr. Lucky and I have some things to sort out stemming from our infertility and growing our family. Mr. Lucky really wants me to get pregnant. If you didn’t know by now, I’m infertile. However, weight loss surgery changes things for some people. The sudden weight loss can make people who were previously infertile, very fertile. For that reason, my surgeon and nutritionist have recommended that we use protective measures to avoid pregnancy for the first 18 months after surgery. When I told him this, he was bothered by the fact that I would want to prevent pregnancy after all we have been through. The truth is, I really don’t want to ever be pregnant. I am ok with building my family through adoption, I’m even ok with Lucky Charm being our one and only. He isn’t. He keeps talking about me getting pregnant after the 18 months and we really need to get this resolved. I don’t like to continuously disappoint him, but isn’t it time to put my own needs and health first? When we were going through fertility treatments, it was my body that was violated and attacked by hormones, not his. Nevermind that I am still bleeding profusely so the opportunity to get pregnant is NOT there. It is going to take alot of time for my body to re-adjust to hormonal changes, but hopefully soon I will get a break from bleeding.

I am finally below the weight I was before we started treatments (270). My next goal will be to be below the weight I was at our wedding (228). I really don’t ever want to be back here again, and the thought of pregnancy and gaining weight after all of this hard work scares the pants off of me. Nevermind having been through an incredibly painful back surgery and recovery.